Amidst the wreckage of what was once our sanctuary, I’ve been doing things on my own terms. The fragments of our love story lay scattered, like forgotten pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that we never managed to complete.
In this moment, I feel like only you know me, or was it just another version of me that I allowed you to see?
What a waste of our previous wars, the battles that ignited like fireworks, only to fizzle into silence, leaving us with these shards of resentment. To end up in these pieces was never the plan, yet here we are, surveying the ruins of a connection that was once so strong.
But maybe with some baby steps, tentative and fragile, we can rebuild our foundations.
Do we say sorry? Who has the most to apologize for? The years of hurt and misunderstanding, the roller-coaster of emotions that left us breathless – they’re all etched into the fabric of our shared history.
With all the historics and hysterics of our fights, the scars they left behind run deep.
It’s the toxicity that is stopping me from reaching out now. The poison that seeped into our love and turned it into something unrecognizable.
But since we went our separate ways, my heart has felt broken every day. You don’t know this pain because you haven’t been here to witness it. I’ve been drowning my sorrows in alcohol, hoping to find a way to numb the ache that resides in my bruised mind. I want this pain to go away, to be replaced by something that resembles healing.
The news I didn’t want to hear, came like a tidal wave, crashing into my world while I sat in that sterile office, already struggling to cope. The weight of it hit me hard, threatening to pull me under. In a time when I needed stability, the ground beneath me crumbled further. I don’t want to die, but I am not keen on living in this perpetual state of limbo either.
I am not sure I understand myself anymore. It feels like my brain is speaking another language, thoughts swirling in a chaotic dance of confusion. I am so self-aware and yet I find myself mired in a swamp of my own insecurities and doubts. All of this emotion, once so vibrant and intense, now seems to be dissipating into thin air, going to waste like water slipping through cupped hands.
I am scared to death by what the future holds, the uncertainty of it all looming like a storm cloud on the horizon. And I can already see myself running, fleeing from the tempest that I fear is coming.
I gave you a look of love in those final moments, a silent goodbye that spoke volumes. I knew I was leaving, the decision made with a heart heavy with both indecision and determination. Being so indecisive but so adamant at the same time is a conflicting feeling, tearing me apart from the inside.
I have replayed every word, every action, dissecting them for meaning. I have analyzed everything you have ever said, trying to find the hidden messages between the lines.
And it is clear to see that I’m not over you, but I am over the situation. The toxicity, the pain, the longing – they have all become too much to bear.
So here I stand, at the crossroads of what once was and what could be.
The past and the future collide within me, a whirlwind of emotions and uncertainty.
But amidst it all, one thing remains clear: I deserve a love that doesn’t break me, a love that doesn’t leave me picking up the pieces of my shattered heart.
And perhaps, one day, I’ll find the strength to rebuild, not just the foundations of my life, but the fragments of my spirit too.
Quixotically Perfect 