You say that I am not alone. But yet here in the middle of the night, it’s just me, smothered by the darkness. Deafened by the silence. Just me and these thoughts on my tear-soaked pillows.
Do you know how hard it is to sleep when you have a gremlin dancing in your mind? Flirting with every single one of your self-doubts. Playing on all your insecurities. Whispering to those dark and twisted parts of my mind.
I’m alone battling between being scared and being tired. Fearing all my failures but not being able to find a way to be productive. It’s feeling everything and nothing at all.
To you, I am the one with no problems, the one always laughing and the one who can make anyone laugh and feel better.
But, I am the one who is breaking behind closed doors. I am the one trying to keep my head up whilst drowning in my thoughts. Keeping everything hidden.
I’m just struggling to keep in the light and away from the darkness. Trying not to give up. Trying to fight another day.
Quixotically Perfect 